Haze
by Tetsryu
Summary: It lurked, the haze just in the back of his mind, still shrouded in darkness...


**A/N- Hey guys, I'm sorry for not updating my story but IT'S GAJEVY WEEK HELL YEAH BREAK OUT THE PARTY STREAMERS WHOOOO! *cough* Anyways, I know this is late but this oneshot is for the Day 2 Demons prompt. Enjoy!**

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It had been waiting for a while now, lurking in the darkest corners of his mind. Sometimes in the depths of night it would whisper, whisper of the past when he had enjoyed killing, reveled in blood. There had been no pain, no _feelings_ to hinder his actions, only a dark, crimson haze through which all were nothing but meat. He had toyed with his victims, their bodies, their _minds_. The tally had been lost long ago, muffled by the sickly fog that left him naught but unbridled madness.

What had happened to that man they called Kurogane, whispered in fear among light and dark guilds alike? What had lifted that glorious haze that had made him the perfect killer? He had gone soft, allowed himself to be burdened by emotions that did only harm. There was so much less _want_, less _hatred_ of this world that had caused him suffering. Now he had actually allowed himself to _care_, to form bonds with others, especially the one he had actually _apologized _to for attacking her! _Pathetic._

It was all the fault of that _girl, _that girl that should have felt fear at the mere mention of his name yet instead had the nerve to _forgive _him. And he had been relieved, happy that she could do so, but for the first time in his life _guilt_ had lain heavy upon his conscious. _Weak! _

He had begun _helping _her, becoming her _friend, ally, _and more recently had even developed _affection _for that insolent _child_. Yet the past weighed down, even more heavily than before, telling him that he couldn't, that he would break her again. _Fool!_

_She _had done this, _she _had cunningly woven her way into his mind and heart, made him feel such a stupid thing as _love_. Ideas such as _friendship_ were only for those who were to weak to stand on their own, _afraid _to venture into the darkness without a hand to hold. Attachments even _more _intimate gave you a burden, a weakness that could and _would _always be used against you. Yet he didn't want to sever it, didn't her to leave his side. _Idiot!_

There was still a way, still a _chance _to go back, back to when the world was a slaughter._ She _lay there asleep, tucked next to him like it was the safest place on Earthland. All he had to do was _kill, _kill her now, taste blood once more. Then the ties would be broken, the last 8 years undone, and he would be _free. _Free once again to _kill_, to sink back into the crimson land he had reveled in so long ago. No love, no ever-present _guilt _that ate at his core.

Nothing at all.

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His eyes shot open, hands almost tearing at the pillow behind his head. the small, warm shape at his back stirred in her sleep, oblivious to it all. He tensed, his mind fighting itself in the struggle to stay in control. He had promised himself not to hurt her again, not to hurt anyone like that again. _Yet promises mean nothing in a world without reason._

This had happened more and more frequently since the Grand Magic Games, and almost nightly after she had confessed to him. It was the one corner of his mind that still dwelled in shadow, lost in a sick melody of madness. He had won so far, but his control was slowly slipping, crumbling from the cliff of sanity that he finally had a hold on after so long, tenacious as it was. And he could not afford to lose it for fear that there would be no return.

A low growl tore itself from his throat, awakening the girl beside him. She looked at him with bleary eyes, concern evident on her features.

"Gajeel?"

His grip became tighter.

"Is it trying to talk to you again?"

Weeks back he had told her what kept him waking up in the middle of the night, though of course not what the voice wanted him to _do_ about the situation. Levy had guessed close to the truth, but if he told her everything he knew she would leave. Leave like every other creature that he had cared for in his life. Like Metalicana, like his damn _original_ parents.

But she in reality already did know. A few times waking before he did Levy heard him muttering of crimson and death, chilling descriptions of the man she still had much to learn about. Then it was her name, her _real_ name, barely audible growling whispers of _'No, not her... can't hurt her... can't kill Levy, not Levy...' _And even now she felt helpless to assuage his fears, drive out the demons that still plagued his consciousness. But she did what she could.

Turning towards him, Levy wrapped her thin arms around his torso, pushing her head into his back.

"I'm not going anywhere Gajeel."

He relaxed minutely, hands releasing their grip on the pillow.

"Why?"

The question was not a surprise, and her hold only tightened.

"Because I love you, and you're not that person any more, don't need to be ever again."

Suddenly he turned and she was in a crushing embrace, his face buried in her azure locks. She was _real _and _solid _and everything he wasn't, everything he shouldn't have. But the voice was right. With her dead he could revert, could lose control and return to that glorious fog. Many had pulled him out, Master, Rain Woman, even Salamander, but she had made the final tug that sent his mind back into kilter. This tiny girl had given him the last inch to sanity, and he was holding on to her, selfish as he was.

It would be long years before the voices ceased, the last ripples of the past settled. But for now they were silent, and both people slipped back into the haven of their dreams.

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**Yeah, just usual R&R, hope this makes up for the delay, and see you guys next time!**


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